AUG 20, 2022
Before I start writing, I’ll stare into the screen for about an hour without forming a coherent sentence. My mind jumps from idea to idea without planting, I can’t help it. It’s a frustrating feeling of zigging and zagging until suddenly — it zooms into focus and goes for the kill. At this point, I don’t know if it’s a medical issue (lol) or just a symptom of struggling with creative endeavors.
Quitting a stable job and salary feels the same.
As I come up on the 6 month anniversary of my own B.C. & A.D. moment, I’m reflecting on decisions and mistakes. There hasn’t been many pivotal moments, but the most significant learning I’ve had is the shift in my mode of thinking. If you go on your own way, you’ll consistently face what you’re never prepared for.
It’s different than a demanding job. If you’ve been hired, there’s a description of what’s expected along with success metrics. Success is: Hit these KPIs, and you’ve done a good job. In short, you’re given a box and expected to thrive in it.
Doing your own thing has no box, no lines, no nothing. You’re in a dark room with a flashlight. The light gets stronger the longer you survive, but the darkness also expands. It teaches you to have original thoughts and decisions vs. reflexive thinking based on preexisting boxes and tracks. You can’t Google your way out.
What I now struggle with most is two fold: cohesion, and scale.
Much like how my thoughts zig-zag before writing, my brain is all over the place on how I want my clients to perceive my brand as well as what steps I need to grow. It’s unfathomable to keep brokering transactions and expect to 10x, or 100x — there’s an upper limit that I can see myself hitting and it’s got me thinking about how, if it all, I should be pivoting. This contradicts my core belief of success: pick one thing.
Taking time to not get lost in busy-work has helped, but it still feels as if I’m driving in the fog — there’s a lack of clarity I can’t seem to wipe from my windshield. Whenever I find myself in situations like this, I lean heavily on books written by successful entrepreneurs; surely I’m not the only person that ran into this.
As I continue to survive and my light grows stronger, I’m looking forward to finding a balance between my extremes of focus and zigzags. Truthfully though, I don’t think I’ll ever find a happy medium because it doesn’t exist. I feel the only sure factor is the actual process, and not the end result.
